happy sad

my grandmother passed away on the 11th around 1 in the morning. my sister called skyla who came over to let me know that she had passed and i was sad, but i was happy.

let me explain.

a few weeks ago, skyla and i made a trip to palm springs to see her. we were able to spend a day and a half talking with her and my aunt sharon. just spending time with her, listening to her talk about my father, about her late husband jim, about growing up in indiana, about her many paintings and stained glass. i was seeing my grandmother as a life lived; as more than my grandmother. She was a woman who had been a daughter, a wife, a mother, a grandmother and finally a great-grandmother. she was so much more than i could ever understand and i was fortunate to catch just a glimpse of it.

she wasn't eating anymore and the pain was getting worse. she wasn't able to get around by herself anymore.

and so, finally, her spirit let go.

she is whole again. no disease, no pain.

and by letting go, she has made me sad.

and by letting go, she has made me happy.